Sleeping by your side - Homestuck, JohnKat
by TheLomas
Summary: Sort of Humanstuck. JohnKat. John and Karkat's rocky relationship
1. The Power of a memory

He looked to his left to see the warm, peaceful mass slumped on the bed beside him. The memory of the night events burned deep inside his chest cavity as he lay back, attempting to adjust his eyes to the darkness that now surrounded him.

He was used to experiencing a hollow, empty feeling by now, but this felt different: the warm, slightly sickly sweet feeling which now filled the pits of his stomach, a feeling he'd never felt before, and sort of resented. This was real. although, after all that'd happened, the lines between fiction and reality weren't always that clear.

His eyes stared, unblinking at the ceiling, trying to place his thoughts. As they closed and he drifted into a light slumber, images of that slowly fading memory danced across his inner eyelids, filling the prisms of his subconscious previously occupied by the same reoccurring horror-terror induced nightmare.

For once, and probably for the only time in his life, Karkat Vantas didn't feel so alone and although confusing as the feeling was, it brought him comfort. A smile began to creep its way across his lips and as he tried to fight the involuntary action, he let out a soft whispering sigh.. 'John Egbert, what the FUCK have you done to me?'


	2. Three little words

The threatening sound rang aloud from the shiny titanium alarm clock resting upon then small wooden bedside table. Karkat had seemed to master this human concept of 'sleep' and had become quite fond of it. It was just the waking up he hated.

His eyes opened gradually, revealing his bright orange eyes and their gray irises, which seemed to fill in with him blood pigment more and more with each day that passed. He patted the soft sheets beside him to find an empty space, still warm from what had been lying there only several moments ago. He sat up abruptly, reaching around. His naked eyes rapidly scanned across the dark and slightly chilly room. no sign of John. He slumped back, hitting his head firmly on the pillow behind him. He reached out to graze the warm and slightly moist sheets once more, longing for something to have changed in the two minutes since his hand wandered along the creases.

He gazed up at the clock. 9am.

Karkat turned onto his left side, to face the empty space where John had previously been sleeping. The pits of his stomach, filled with an empty feeling.. a longing. He ran his slim grey fingers underneath the pillow in search of some cool relief from the smoggy heat that filled the room. A sharp corner pinched the skin at the end of his finger. Something was under the pillow. He tugged on the object and pulled it sharply from under the pillow.

It was note... a note from john.

Un-crinkling the note, Karkat brought the small square piece of paper closer to his pale yet flushed face. Grazing his hand gently across his eyes and down, clasping around the back of his neck, he began to read the words scrawled upon the crisp scrap of paper. He read the words allowed to himself:

'Gone to work. I'll be home late, will bring dinner. I Love you. John x'

Karkat choked. A hard lump appeared in his throat for a moment, followed by a small shallow smile flashing briefly across his plump grey lips. He fell back, hitting his head firmly on the pillow behind him as he had done not ten minutes earlier.

His mind began to reel with a mixture of emotions: sorrow, happiness, fear, contentment, longing but most of all love. How could three simple words make you feel so many emotions at the same time, none of which were clear.

The only thing that was clear to Karkat was that he knew now for sure that he was in love with John Egbert.


	3. Broken Routine

The two cohabited contently for almost a year after that night. John would go to work; come home; eat dinner and spend the evening with Karkat. The same routine every night for almost 12 months. That was until one night, when ones routine squid too far.

11:55 am, Tuesday.

'What do you mean 'get a grip'?! I'm exhausted.' John moaned.

'.. You're always exhausted! Its always you're excuse John and I'm fucking sick of listening to it!' Karkat hissed as he rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling.

'Why are you always so insensitive Kar?' John sighed through gritted teeth as he hauled himself out of the couples king sized bed.

'I'm insensitive?! When was the last time you asked me how i was feeling?!'

'Lets not argue Kar, i haven't got time. I'm late for work.'

'You NEVER have time. You're always ''working'' ...if you call it working.'

John turned to face him, his face red with anger. 'Look, I work two jobs, 9 hours at a time just to support us both and I work hard. You moan when I work, you moan when we have no money. What do you want from me Karkat?!'

'..Maybe I don't want you.' Karkat spitefully muttered under his breath, just loud enough for john to hear.

'Well why don't you leave then? Huh? You know where the door is.' John yelled as he gestured towards the flat door.

John signed deeply. 'I'm sick of this same argument. I have to go, I told you I'm late.' He pulled on the rest of his clothes and placed his glasses onto his face and headed towards the door, grabbing his bag and laptop on the way.

'well maybe i will.. You wouldn't care.' Karkat shouted as he watched john walk towards and out of the door, Slamming it loudly behind him.

The two both knew that neither of them had any intention of leaving the other.

9:00 pm, Tuesday.

John came home, exhausted as usual. Being the primary bred winner, working 9 hours a day was tiring. so john liked nothing more than coming home to his dinner prepared and a warm hug from Karkat. But tonight was different. No karkat, No dinner. John made dinner, curled up on the couch, watched trashy television, the way one does when they're alone, and drifted into a light snooze.

The clock chimes loudly: 10:00pm. An hour had passed. A key rattled as it turned in the lock, arousing john from his dose. Karkat walked in, face red, hands trembling.

'Where have you been?' John questioned.

'Out.'

' I..I was worried Kar. You should have called me.'

''... I need to talk to you. I need to tell you something.' Karkat mumbled as he turned his head, catching Johns gaze. '... I.. I've done something terrible.' Karkat began to choke, his word filling with anguish and his eyes stinging with tears.

'What?' John questioned again. His eyes beginning to tear as he looked at Karkats face. John felt numb. He couldn't move. His ears burned as Karkats lips trembled

'I..I slept with someone else.'


	4. I'm sorry'

The room fell silent. The two looked at each other through bloodshot, tear filled eyes. John removed his glasses, cleaned them and placed them back atop the bumpy ridge of his nose.

Karkat's eyes fixed at the ground as a single maroon tear rolled down his pale grey cheek.

They both understood the unlikelihood of their relationship working but neither had even began to imagine it ending like this.

John relaxed his clenched hand. 'How could you?!' He asked as he turned to face Karkat. Karkat didn't move, or even say a word. His eyes still remained fixed at the ground. 'Huh? was i not enough for you?!... ANSWER ME!' John exclaimed, the rage visibly building from within his eyes.

'..I..I'm sorry..' Karkat finally whimpered.

'Sorry?... You're sorry?! ... do you think sorry is going to make this all ok? John questioned. He exhaled, got up from the couch, walked over, and stood resting on the edge of the table next to where Karkat was standing.

'I just don't understand Kar.. i thought.. I thought you loved me?'

'I do love you. I just made a mistake. It meant nothing.' Karkat rationalized. He turned to look john in the eyes. 'I don't even know how it happened. We had dinner, drinks and then.. one thing led to another and.. next think i knew.. it was to late to stop. It's been a long time for me John, and i know how you feel about that.. i have needs.' He said as his eyes strayed back to the floor.

'So this is my fault?!' John fumed as he stormed towards the door. 'I didn't say that.' Karkat exclaimed as ran to follow him, grabbing johns shoulder as he stood in the doorway.

'John. Wait.. please. I don't want to lose you. Tell me what I can do to make this up to you.'

John exhaled deeply, sighing and turning back to face him. 'It meant nothing?'

'Nothing.' Karkat agreed.

'I guess its mostly my fault, If I'd have paid more attention to you and if I'd tried harder to keep you satisfied.. then maybe, this wouldn't have happened.'

'Don't you dare blame yourself.' Karkat said as he reached out his hand, placing it on johns smooth, flushed cheek. 'This is all my fault. I'm so sorry.'

Then the two shared a look. One that was all to familiar to them.

'Can we move past this?' Karkat asked hopefully. John nodded bashfully. and with that a shallow smile flashed briefly across Karkats plump grey lips. A small glimmer of light beamed across Johns face as he witnessed this: The first time he'd seen Karkat show true emotion; true happiness, and it gave him great comfort to know he was the one responsible for bestowing such emotion.

Karkat tinted his head softly skyward and as he did so, he was met with the strong gaze from limpid blue pools that were John Egberts eyes. Grazing his hand gently across Karkats cheek and down, clasping around the back of his neck, John pulled him close as their lips met, entwining in a passionate kiss, expressing all the fire, romance and longing the two shared for each other. For the first time, the two connected on a level they never had before. Their bodies became closer as they embraced intimately, their kiss breaking only momentarily as johns glasses began to fog. Feeling his heartbeat through his ears, and strangely enjoying the emotion, Karkat reached his hand up to johns eyes, removed his glasses and the two locked lips again.


	5. How will I sleep at night'

Moments later, they moved towards the bedroom, lying together atop the bed.

The two were intimate for several minutes, their lips meeting; hands caressing; bodies entwining. Karkat ran his fingers softy across john's back, tracing his spine with his fingertips. John winced as Karkat seemed to melt into him, his hands moving ever closer to him. It was more than John could bare.

'I can't. I'm sorry.' John quivered.

'Whats wrong?!' karkat whispered as his lips turned their attention to the base of johns neck.

'I can't do this.' John released himself from Karkats tight grip and bolted from the bed.

John shook his head and clasped his sweaty palm around the back of his neck, ruffling the back of his tussled black hair as he did so. 'I can't be like.. this.. with you knowing that only a few hours ago you where like this with...' John felt a hard lump in his throat. '...HER!' He swallowed and tried to keep a lid on his temper despite the rage he felt brewing inside him.

'John plea-' Karkat asked .

'Don't.. just don't.' John interrupted. 'How could I be with you, knowing that you've been intimate with her? knowing she touched you and you.. ' John paused, the lump in his throat now swelling, as burning hot tears filled his eyes. '...you touched her.' Karkat's eyes fixed at the ground, ashamed to even look john in the eye.

The room turned silent for a moment. John removed his glasses, cleaned them and placed them back atop the high ridge of his nose, the way he did when he was nervous, only this time, it wasn't nerves that gripped him: it was courage.

'I have to go. I need some space: Space from us; space from you.' John proclaimed as he proceeded to pack a small bag, taking only the essentials. He wiped the tears from his eyes with his sleeve. His tears, now cool, left a clear, salty stain.

'John.. No.' Karkat pleaded desperately.'W-what will I do without you?' His eyes began to fog with hot tears. 'Please John.' He begged.

The two shared a glance. Johns grip on his bag tightened.

'How will I sleep at night? how will I sleep without you.'

'I'm sure she could keep you warm.' John spat the words angrily without a thought as he turned, flung open the door and hurried out.

Karkat could do nothing but stand alone in the cold, dark room.


	6. He hadn't written a thing in weeks

'John. John Man, are you ok?'

Johns mumbled a muffled yes into the plump couch cushion that was placed beneath him. He hauled himself up until he was sat straight, his hand wondered across the smooth dark wooden coffee table. 'I'm f..fine.' His frail hand formed a neat ball as he rubbed his exhausted eyes.

'Dude, you haven't moved for three days. I know fine and that's not it.' Dave insisted as he slid Johns large, thick framed black glasses across the shiny surface towards him. 'C'mon, how are you doing really?' John stood up, reached out, picked up his glasses from atop the table, cleaned them and placed them back onto his nose.

'Thanks for having me, i really do appreciate it.' John had been living on Dave's couch for just over two weeks now and taken a short leave of absence from work. He desperately tried to convince himself that he was doing OK, but who was he kidding: john had lost all direction in life. His world had crumbled beneath his feet. 'And I'm...' John slumped back to the couch, and raised his hands to cover his face. right now wasn't them time for Dave to see him cry. 'He hasn't called. Why hasn't he called?'

'Maybe because you asked him not to?' Dave questioned. Since the 'incident' (as john liked to call it) he hadn't seen or heard from Karkat. 'Dude, can i be frank?'

'yeah..' John let out a short sigh and his eyes glanced upwards to meet Daves gaze.

'I love you man. You're my best bro. but seriously, you need to snap out of this funk! It's not doing you any good just sitting here day after day. I mean, I sat through Con air last night for fuck sake, to cheer you up and it didn't even work! ... dude thats fucked up! So here's the deal, you're going to get up, put this on and we're going to a movie.' Dave suggested as he launched johns warm green coat towards him. John dragged himself onto his feet, slung on his coat and followed Dave towards the door.

'Thanks Dave. You're a good pal.' The two shared a friendly smile. They both wrapped thick woolen scarfs around their necks, tugged on their gloves, headed out the door and out into the snow.

'And yes, you can choose whatever shitty movie you want, just please, nothing with nick cage.' John let out a big goofy chuckle. This must have been the first time he'd laughed in months. The pair walked a few blocks, chatting all the while about Daves budding music career and Johns writing, not that he'd done much recently. He hadn't written a single thing in weeks. John reached into his small, snug coat pocket and took out his watch. Karkat had bought it for him for his birthday last year but it was too big to fit his wrist so he just kept it in his pocket. Dave would always joke about how dorky it was but tonight, he simply asked the time. As John began to check, he tripped over his own feet and both himself and his watch flew into the snow in front of them.

John leaned up and brushed himself off as Dave stood and laughed. Johns eyes scanned the white blanket of snow that surrounded him in search of his watch. He spotted it and reach his hand out in order to retrieve it. As he did, his hand was met with anothers hand. The hand clutched the watch and lifted it up. John stood up swiftly, dusting the snow from his coat and eager to see who had snatched his watch.

He blinked twice and stared straight ahead. And there he was: Karkat Vantas clutching the watch, staring back.


	7. Hey, I'll call you'

The two stood for a moment, motionless, just staring into each others faces. By this time, Dave has wandered off a few yards ahead in order to give the two some privacy. After a few brief awkward moments, Karkat stretched out his hand, thrusting the watch towards johns hands. John reached out, his long slim fingers wrapping around the watch as he retrieved it from Karkats grasp.

'H..Hi.' Karkat mumbled. 'How have you been?' He slipped his hands into the pockets of his long black coat as he shifted his eyes from side to side awkwardly.

'good.' John answered unconvincingly. 'And you?'

'..I'm.. How do you think I am?!' He gestured as he dragged his hands out from his pockets. 'I'm miserable John.'

'Uhh me too. You haven't called.' John retracted his neck so that the overly-large collar of his coat came up around his chin, sheltering him from the harsh winter wind and avoiding any eye contact with Karkat.

'you asked me not to... I wanted to.' Karkat looked straight at the ground. He shuffled his feet from side to side, kicking small amounts of now between his legs. The two engaged in awkward small talk for several minutes before John realized Dave was still waiting for him.

'... I sort of have to go, Dave and I are supposed to be seeing a movie.' Karkat looked swiftly over his shoulder and caught a gimps of Dave. He'd always been cautious of Dave Strider. He'd never been able to quite figure out what Johns best friends 'deal' was. They exchanged a brief nod of acknowledgement. Karkats focus fixed back to Johns small, slim face. They both said their goodbyes and headed off in different directions. As they ventured their separate ways, Karkat swiftly span around to look at john.

'Hey, I'll call you.' He exclaimed nervously. John turned to face him.

'I'll be waiting.' The two shared a brief smile and continued walking in opposite directions. John eventually caught up with Dave and the two of them turned the corner, inching ever closer to the movie theatre.

'What a Jackass.' Dave smirked. 'Ugg, 'He'll call you?' .. what an fuckass.' He chuckled and ushered John along.

'..But he's my fuckass.' John muttered under his breath as a small smile began to fill his lips.


	8. Happy birthday Egderp (Part 1)

And, like he promise, he called. He called every night that week and every night for the next two weeks. They'd chat for hours about everything from movies to politics: those shitty sorts of conversations where you have nothing to say but don't want the conversations to end. Even though the two hadn't seen each other since their awkward run-in back in November, their phone calls had allowed them to become close again. Each time the phone was answered, Karkat's pale face would fill with glee as he heard the smooth, slightly nasally tone of John's voice; A glee that of course he'd never let anybody see, but glee all the same.

Thursday 12:00am

John sat, slumped into the back of dave's soft couch with the phone plastered to his ear. 'Ok, if you say so Kar.' he began to chuckle. John was still living with Dave at this point, and had kept him awake at night with his loud and often late night chats with karkat. It was coming up to John's birthday, and Dave was planning a house party... unbeknownst to john, Strider was hatching a plan.

Dave and Karkat had never been the best of friends and sure, Dave had proclaimed his loathing for the angsty troll on more than one occasion. Even so, Karkat seemed to be the one thing in life.. except movies and his writing, that made John happy and to Dave, thats all that mattered. He and John had been best friends since before he could even remember, and if this malignant fuckass was what John needed, then hell, Strider wasn't about to stand in the way of that. So he set about making the plans for the most splendorous party the planet had ever known.

7.30pm Friday 13TH April.

The house was set, the furniture buried in a cloak of confetti and streamers. A banner hung from the door frame that read 'Happy birthday Egderp.' It was official; Dave had outdone himself this time. He'd arranged everything right down to the last detail: the cake, decorations, drinks and most importantly, the guests.

The doorbell rang at ten past eight and in gushed a gaggle of johns nearest and dearest: Rose, Jade, Vriska to name a few. Dave greeted each one as they came, handed them a beverage and proceeded to rap and DJ to his heart's content for an hour or so.

The clock chimed nine. The party froze as they heard the scratching of a key in the lock. They all proceeded to hide. Dave swiftly danced his way over to the light switch by the door in true Strider style, flipping it in an instant as the others chuckled silently as John muttered profanities under his breath as he battled to open the door. Eventually after a few tense moments of key rattling, John stumbled into the tiny apartment. As he did, the lights flashed on and everyone jumped out. They did the usual clichéd jumping out yelling 'surprise' and John gushed like a bride on her wedding day. His eyes blinked as he scanned the room, recognizing each face. His eyes strayed over to the far corner of the room where his eyes fixed upon one guest in particular.

Yes, Dave had really done it right this time, he'd invited Karkat and he came.


	9. Happy birthday Egderp (Part 2)

Karkat looked at John. John looked back. In that moment, the room seemed to silence: that kind of moment where nobody else mattered except the two of them. Of course the party continued to thrive, and this feeling was confined to the vast empty pockets of johns subconscious. He slowly made his way across the crowded apartment, stopping along the way to welcome his guests and to find a space to lay down the heavy assortment of gifts he has been bombarded with. Jeeze, Who thought that turning 24 was such a big deal. John came to a gradual stop as he approached the far corner of the room. Standing in front of his was the short, slim boy he remembered. He extended a long arm in Johns direction. A small box with dark blue rapping was thrust to Johns chest. 'T-thanks.' John choked.

'Happy Birthday.' Karkat wished with a more cheerful voice than John was used to hearing from him. The two exchanged the usual pleasantries: the polite 'hello, how are you?' that had become all to familiar. They talked for the remainder of the party and for long after the party had ended.

'God. This has been crazy...Its really good to see you.' John gushed, overwhelmed by the events of the day.

'Its good to see you too John. Its been so long.. I..' Karkat rubbed his palm across the back of his neck, contemplating his choice of words. 'I've missed this..' He took his hand and placed it on johns knee. A small smile danced across Karkat's lips for a brief moment. 'I've missed **you**.' The two became close for a moment. Karkat's eyes scanned the contours of Johns face, studying it carefully. His gaze burned hot as did Johns as he looked longingly back into Karkat's eyes. Karkat pulled him close as their lips met, falling into a passionate embrace. The two were intimate for several moments, their lips meeting; hand caressing; bodies entwining. Karkat's hot breath forced the hairs upon johns neck. He moaned softly as Karkat grazed his fingertips across his soft skin. John arched his back as he leaned into his touch. The two moved to Johns bedroom, where they spend the rest of the night together.

Morning broke. A single sun beam cracked through a small gap in johns blinds. In the harsh light of day, everything seemed clearer. John sat up, reaching around for his glasses, cleaning them and placing them atop the high ridge of his nose. He slumped back, hitting his head firmly on the pillow behind him, breathing a deep sigh.


End file.
